There are several things you should do at once. First, you should stop dating this person right now. Not tomorrow. Not next week. Not after the holidays. Now. It doesn’t matter how you feel about him, how “nice” he is to you at other times, how confident, secure or important he makes you feel when you’re together with other friends, how he “treats you better than anyone else ever has,” how much he apologizes after he hurts you, or how often he promises to do better in the future. It will not stop! This man could kill you, and you may not have any warning when he does. There are grown women who never learn this lesson, and who marry men who do the same sort of thing.

Since you are still young, and have not married your boyfriend, you have a unique opportunity to escape this relationship forever. Do it, or you may regret it for the rest of your life.

Second, if he has strangled you, you should report him to the police. This is a crime, and in some states, a major felony offense. Lots of people don’t feel comfortable with the word “strangle” because it sounds so mean, and they don’t want to get the offender “into trouble.” So they’ll use other words like “choke,” or “grabbed my neck really tight” – sort of like you did just now! Call it what it is: a strangulation. This is too serious for playing with words. If his hands are wrapped around your throat so tightly that it hurts, then that is no game, and you need to stop “pretending that you’re playing around” just to protect him. He is an adult, and he knows better. If a boy did this to your kid sister, I assume you would never tolerate that. So do it for yourself!

Third, yes, I would definitely get a protective order. Whether you can personally apply for one as a minor child depends on the laws of your particular state. Some require an adult (e.g. a legal custodian) to file the application on the child’s behalf. If you do not have a custodian who will back you up on this, then you should contact the nearest law enforcement agency and ask for their assistance.

Fourth, I would contact a local domestic violence shelter in your home town, or the particular Coalition Against Domestic Violence that works in your state. There are women at these agencies who understand all about domestic violence, and who could help you instantly. Call them now.

Finally, I would resist the urge to explain your boyfriend’s behavior as a “temper problem.” Many, many people often label domestic violence that way because they think they understand domestic violence, but they don’t. If this was just a “temper problem,” then your boyfriend would walk around strangling everyone who made him angry: employers, neighbors, or total strangers. I assume he does not. The reason he does not do it to these people, but does do it to you, is because: (1) he does not respect women; (2) he does not respect you; (3) he knows that an employer, neighbor or stranger would report him to the police instantly if he tried a stunt like that with them; and (4) he is confident that you won’t. As long as you describe this issue as an “anger” or “temper” problem, you will continue to give him a free pass that he doesn’t deserve (after all, everyone gets “angry” from time to time, right?), and you will continue to endanger yourself.

Don’t do that. You deserve better.