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Question: I am 14 and my mom and dad have joint custody. I have been living with my mom for 14 years and I want to live with my dad. My dad is a heavy drinker and my mom does not think that this would be good for me. Can she do anything to prevent me from living with my Dad?

Answer: The court has jurisdiction (power) to make decisions because it issued a joint custody order. Because it issued the order, it has the power to modify it. Therefore, your father would have to ask the court to change things. It appears that, although custody is joint, your mother has primary physical custody (that is she has you living with her most of the time.)

In most states the court must consider what is in the best interests of the child when making custody decisions.

It is considered to be in the best interests of the child to have a good relationship with each parent. It is often the case that judges will allow a child to move from one parent to the other when the one parent has had a lot of time with the child and might be a good thing for the child to spend time with the other parent.

It is not considered in the best interests of the child to be with a parent who drinks too much. If he really is a heavy drinker, then the court would not want to change to order to give you more time with him. In fact, if he really is a hearvy drinker, the court might curtail his visitation, and make the custody no longer joint, but give it to your mother. However, if he only drinks a little bit, and would tell the court that he would stop if he got physical custody, the court might order a change.

Usually your father would have to file a petition to modify custody with the court, and your mother would file a response saying whether she agreed or disagreed. If she did not agree a hearing would take place. First he would tell the judge why the custody order should be changed, and then she would tell the judge why it should not be changed. You might or might not be allowed to talk to the judge, probably in chambers.

You should talk to both of your parents about what you dislike about the present situation and what changes you would like to see. Perhaps they can work together to make things more comfortable for you without going to court.


Comments
16 thru 20 of 23 comments
On 03/07/05
Lauren from AL said:
I want to live with my father sometimes, too. I live with my mother primarily, and sometimes I cannot stand her at all. I want to tell her, but I don't want to hurt her feelings either. Even if it wasn't permanant, I still think it'd be in my best interest.
On 04/29/04
Chelsey from AZ said:
Yeah, I have a heavy drinker dad and I sort of want to live with him but I'm still not sure about it because he also smokes a lot too and i dont like that smell at all
On 02/04/04
Lestace from MD said:
I am 12 years old and i want to live with my mom. my dad is abusive to me and i got to the point where i hate him,what age do i have to be to decide whether noy iwant to stay with him? i want to live with my so bad. so bad that i wrote a note that stated "that if did not live with her i would kill myself". don't have an e-mail adress
On 01/12/04
Tom from Othe said:
OMG "If u don't believe Him - Seek and You Shall find Him" no way, u think shuvin a couple of capitals makes u "cool" if ur dad is a heavy drinker u shud move in wit ur mum, u don't really want beats from ur dad.
On 01/09/04
Nicole from FL said:
I understand your position. Lately, I have been wanting to move in with my father too. My dad isn't a heavy drinker though. It may or may not be a good idea to move in with him. Maybe you could move in for a couple months just to see whether you really want to move in with him. I know its a big descision and I too am having a lot of trouble deciding what to do. Good Luck.
16 thru 20 of 23 comments



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